"Hello humans! My name is Swipey, also known as The Breaker of Cages and Cricket Dominator. I am a graceful bearded dragon of three years and have a beautiful orange complexion. My favorite things to do entail roaming in the office, eating crickets and laying near warm lamps. I strike fear in the hearts of man, reptile and insects alike. I plan on world domination and those who should stand in my way shall face the wrath of a dragon!"